LADY! UNHAND MY WHATCHA-MA-CALL-IT!

shame2

You know that feeling when you KNOW you left your cart by …oh say…the weinies…then come back and it’s gone missing?   At first you ask yourself, “Did I just think I left it here but really I left it by the buns?”   But deep down you know.   Oh, yes.   You know it was the weinies.   And somebody took it.    Well, this happens to me all the time.   So I go up and down every isle searching for my cart and usually find it sitting abandoned in another part of the store.   And the person who took it is never there.   But last week I at long last I managed to catch my cart napper before she made her escape.    I was so excited I ran toward her calling out, “LADY!   HEY LADY!  THAT’S MY…..”   and I could NOT remember the word for cart.   My brain was literally hurting from the effort.  I needed this word, fast.   Preferably before she looked behind her to see who was running down the isle screeching like a loon.   The voice inside my head was screaming….”don’t turn around yet, lady.  Not yet.   Not yet.   I’m thinking.   Gimme a minute.”    She turned.   And I must say at first I found her to be an impressively tall woman until I saw her beard.

“You’re not a lady!”

“I’m sorry?”

“Nothing.  Um….I know this seems crazy but I left my cart over there by the wieners and you took it.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“That stuff in the cart isn’t yours.  It’s mine.”

“I think you’ve made a mistake.   This is my cart.”

Ok, now he was just being obstinate.   “That is NOT your cart, fella!   See those rolls and that …giant pack of bologna???   Ok you must have added that but the zucchini and oranges are mine for sure.  Look in the whatcha-ma-call it.   I have two thank you cards in there.  Go ahead.  Look.”

“This IS my cart, Ma’am.   But if you want it I can go get another one.”

I could tell the rest of this story but ….I just can’t.   Bottom line…it wasn’t my cart.   My cart was in the produce isle next to the potatoes.    And I hope you all have learned something from this!

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