CONDOMS THAT TELL YOU IF YOU’VE DIPPED INTO UNHEALTHY TERRITORY. No I am not making it up. Word has it they are working on making condoms that light up if you poked something you shouldn’t have. Annnnd, even better….they turn colors depending on what STD little Willie or Sue has picked up. The problem as I see it here is….say, you stick your toe in the water and when you come out to dry, it’s glowing green? What do you do in that moment? What….do…you…do? Spray yourself with hand sanitizer? Call 911? Curse your foul luck? Cuz you aren’t gonna know UNTIL, you’ve been there and “done that”. Pun totally intended.
Oh sure you can seek medical attention to try and treat that nasty case of herpes but wouldn’t it be better to not poke your toe in the water until you’re more familiar with it?
I just don’t see me in a world where people in romantically lit rooms are suddenly shouting…”OH MY GAWD, I’M GLOWING….YOU BITCH!”
You’re welcome, you all. 
The Cowpie field 